An open letter to the girl who keeps settling for less

I get the most comments, and emails on one question:

How do I talk to a friend who is in a bad relationship?

OR

How do I talk to my boyfriend if I know whe are in an unhealthy relationsip?

Let me paint the picture of what 99% of these girls are asking:

Two people become attracted to each other, they have chemistry, sparks fly, clothes fly off, and they have sex….too soon.  As they grow to know each other better they realize they are not very compatible. But things are complicated. They don’t fully understand this because culture tells us sex is just fun and games but psychologists, scientist, and our creator all agree sex is the cement or bond that glues people together. In marriage this is beautiful, in casual relationships, this is destructive (more on this blog post).

The couple in our example has “cemented” themselves together. They start to ignore all the red flags that they are not right for each other. All their friends see it and sometimes they even see it in themselves but who wants to deal with cleaning up all the debris of the bound cement? They pretend they are happy and before they know it they are years into an unhealthy relationship that neither of them wants to be in. It happens ALL THE TIME.

The trick is, an unhealthy relationship is infinitely easier to see in others than it is to ourselves.

Confirmation bias

It’s human nature to look for what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We search out information to support and brush off information in opposition to our beliefs. Psychologist call this confirmation bias. We are constantly looking for information to support what we hope to be true. This is why it is so hard to win a political argument and also why it is so hard for you to tell a friend she is in a bad relationship. She is desperately grasping for any thread of evidence that her guy is a prince ESPECIALLY if cement is involved.

What’s a girl to do?

I see you there sweet friend.  You are not sure how you got here.

The guy that holds your heart is hurting you and he has no idea. You pretend it doesn’t bother you when he (always) chooses his friends over you.  You pretend it doesn’t hurt when he only wants to hang out past midnight.  You find yourself constantly making excuses for the way he treats you to your friends and your mama. You pretend everything is fine but deep down, you know better.

If you are traveling down the highway and the sign says “Danger road block” you don’t drive past the sign and keep going.  God gives us little warning signs in all areas of life, it is up to us to take warning or to keep going despite the warnings.

Suppose you decide you “know better” and decide to keep driving past that danger sign in the road. Everything is good for a few miles and you wonder what that big orange sign was all about in the first place, and then you see it, a bridge being repaired that offers no connection between your car, the road 1,000 feet ahead of you and the river underneath you.  A little embarrassed by the annoyed looks construction workers all around you do the only logical thing, turn your car around and listen to the warning!

Sensible people foresee trouble and hide. Simple people go ahead [and] suffer. Proverbs 27:12

If you have a good friend who you trust, and I hope you do.  Hear her out. If you trusted her with your life before the guy came into your life, your friend hinted that he was bad news, and now you are distant from your friend. THAT IS A HUGE RED FLAG!

If you find yourself with red flags you simply don’t want to see I encourage you to be brave and do something you don’t want to do. TURN THE CAR AROUND. Ending an unhealthy relationship now is better than waiting for more time, more cement, and more scars to take place.

It will require sacrifice, it may even involve embarrassment, but when it’s said and done I GUARANTEE you will have so much relief.

Maybe a guys perspective will say it better than me:

From the Good Man Project (a hugely popular online magazine for guys)  puts it like this:

Ladies, if you really want men to step up and become the real men you talk about, you must demand it. I’m not saying ask for it, I’m not saying hope for it, I’m saying demand it.  What does that mean? It means you don’t settle for anything less. It means if you aren’t satisfied, you walk away. Men will rise up and meet your challenge, I promise, it’s what we do best. We love challenges. We love it when women make us step up and work.
If you do this right, you will have men lining up at your door. It seems counter-intuitive, but you have to understand how much men enjoy challenge. There is nothing sexier than a woman who has the confidence to call us out and challenge us to rise up. The part that you don’t like is the hardest thing about all this. You must be willing you walk away if you aren’t getting what you want. I will say this five more times because it’s that important.
You must be willing to walk away
You must be willing to walk away
You must be willing to walk away.
You must be willing to walk away.
You must be willing to walk away.

Wisdom for next time:

The more physical intimacy you share with someone, the more cemented together you become. DO NOT RUSH THIS. Intimacy is reserved for marriage for a reason. Protect yourself and your heart, it will make decisions to stay or leave a future relationship infinitely less complicated. 

Father help us to see danger before it is too late, wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it.

Inspired by Andy Stanley’s sermon on Pack your bags.

 

What if Jesus meant all that stuff about sex?

Let’s imagine for a second there is a huge, new breakthrough discovery of an ancient artifact that reveals the secret to finding happiness, and a marriage that will last a lifetime.

It’s all over the news. Your friends are tweeting about it. Fox News, CNN and even Ellen is doing interviews with everyone involved.

The discovery is an ancient document with clear, uncomplicated instructions on how we should handle sex, written to a culture much like ours today, and spoken by the one who made our bodies and every other BODY around us.

Can you imagine the buzz created with this type of unveiling!?

Good news guys, This ancient document has already been discovered!  I have a copy!  So do you! In fact this information was so valued and sacred that thousands of people have been persecuted and died to protect these exceptionally necessary and vital words.

This is big stuff….

Are you ready?


What the Bible says about sex:

The Corinthian people were having sex with whoever, whenever, and pretending it was all fun and games (I think this was the ancient version of the bachelor). In their time and day, they even had “temple prostitutes.” I’m not even kidding. I can’t even imagine going to church back in this day and age.

So this guy named Paul, wrote a letter, inspired by God, to the Corinthian people that was so revolutionary, and so foreign to their culture, they knew it must be true.

I hope you’re sitting down for this, here are the words from this ancient document:

“I am allowed to do anything.” Yes; but not everything is good for you.

Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should you take your body, which is part of Christ, and join it [sexually to someone you hardly know?]

Don’t you know that sex joins two people together? The scripture says quite plainly, “The two will become one body.” Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (1 Corinthians 6: 12-18)

TIME OUT

Did this ancient letter actually say that no other sin affects us like sex does?  Is the letter telling us there is something more to this sex thing than just recreational play between two consenting adults?

NO WAY!  Surely 50 Shades of Grey can’t be wrong!

Ok let’s forget this Bible mumbo Jumbo and look to Science for a second.  Maybe they also have a break through discovery that will say something more current.  

What science says about sex:

According to  “Sex and the Brain” Psychologist Mark Turrell explains,

“There are three main neurohormones that are released during sex. Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.  These chemicals work together to give us pleasure and bond us together. Oxytocin in particular, tells the brain, “Once connected, stay connected. Sex bonds us at a relational, physical and chemical level. It is a powerful force”

Gosh, that’s weird, it’s almost as if God knew the science and emotional bond behind his very creation!

No, no, no, I’m quite sure the writers of Cosmopolitan magazine know more about sex than God. Maybe a PhD in the in area of relationships would know best.  Let’s see what they have to say. 

What Therapist say about sex:

“In the counseling office, individuals rarely if ever weep scalding tears about any other sense of loss like they do for a sexual relationship when it ends. There are soul ties that bind two partners together in unseen ways and there is a sense that part of you has been stolen. There is a hole in your soul where the connection was ripped from you.”  – Dr. Waylon Ward  Professional Couselor, author and speaker

“20 years as a counselor has told me nothing has the ability degrade, cheapen, wound. and rob a sense of who you are as does sex outside of its original design.” -anonymous therapist

Hmmmmmm

These scientist and counselors make an interesting point….what did that ancient document say again?

The two shall become one

In the very beginning, God said on Adam and Eve’s wedding day,

“The two are united into one (Genesis 2:24).”

God who made every cell in our body, God who created hormones, God who crafted the very idea of Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin.  He knew how deeply sex can bond, He also knew the depth to which it would scar if shared with just anyone. So God gave us sex in marriage. True intimacy, true vulnerability, naked, beautiful, cherishing and honoring love as Adam looked at Eve as the only woman in the world. Eve saw Adam as the only man in the world.

This was the original design.  

I believe this is still the design today.  After a couple is married, the two become one and see each other as the only man or the only woman in the whole world, because, in their eyes, they are.

Consider that your heavenly father knows how to care for you better than the movies and the magazines. Take a moment to fathom that God gave you the gift of your sexuality and wants you to enjoy it, but not with just anyone.

What decisions to you need to make today to guard your eyes and your heart for your future spouse?

-Katie Bulmer
@katiebulmer.life

 

What I learned about Jesus from a chicken

Our chickens live at the equivalent of a Chicken Ritz-Carlton, despite that, these less than brilliant animals always think you are holding out on them.

We have chickens, yes we are chicken people.

We converted an old playhouse to a coop and we receive about five eggs a day from our fluffy, feathered females. Our pets/breakfast makers have actually taught me a lot about Jesus… let me explain.

Jesus spoke in parables often. It was His way of making confusing things more simple. He keeps things on a third-grade level for us, and this is yet another reason why I am such a big fan of His.

One of the parables Jesus used most often (35 times to be exact) refers to you and me as sheep. It made sense to the 1st century Christians because many of them owned, or at least worked with
sheep. Fast forward to today.  Including myself, I know approximately zero people who own sheep.

I do, however, have chickens and in a lot of ways, I think the two are very similar. They both travel in flocks for safety, they both find trouble without a guide, and they both have an insatiable curiosity for what is on the other side of the fence.

A0F4CC41-EC96-46DD-BDD7-09FE8E247D7A

Our birds live at the equivalent of a chicken Ritz Carlton. They have an abundance of food, water, chicken friends, extracurricular activities, and ample free range space in our yard. Despite their chicken paradise, these less than brilliant animals always think we are holding out on them.

About a year ago, our favorite chicken, Lucy, (I am told we should have named her Teriyaki) learned how to get to the top of the neighbors eight-foot private fence. She would fly to the top, see the neighbor’s dog, get scared, and then come back down to safety. Despite our best efforts to keep her down and safe, she always found a way to perch on the top of the fence. Early one morning, either her curiosity got the best of her, she thought she could handle the dog, or perhaps she didn’t think at all. Regardless, she flew to the other side of the fence and became a puppy play toy until her death.

Lucy saw the threat of the dog and knew she was safe in our yard, yet she still thought she “knew better” and wanted to see what was on the other side of the fence.

If you think I’m about to compare chickens to you and me, you are correct.what chickens taught me about jesus

“When He saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”- Matthew 9:36

Jesus gives us everything we need in Him. He came to bring us life and bring it to the fullest (John 10:10). Yet, we often think we can find our own better, more fulfilling life “on the other side of the fence.” We see the threat of temptation, but we think we know better and can overcome on our own “chicken strength.”

Maybe Jesus really is a good shepherd. Maybe we really don’t have everything in this life figured out like we think we do. Maybe the one who made every cell in our body knows what is best for us and simply wants to protect us from the “dogs on the other side of the fence.”

I am prone to wander.  I am prone to question God is good.  I am not proud of it but I have even questioned if my shepherd really knows better than me?
I am just like a sheep and a chicken. I become convinced that my inadequately microscopic view on my life is all there is to see.

Lord, thank you for being a good shepherd. Thank you for protecting me even when I think I know better and thank you for bringing me back to the safety of your flock when I wander astray.

Thank you for being a good good, father.

Sorority girls can change the world available on Amazon

 

It’s all Jesus’ fault.

I never wanted to be the one to put myself out there, speak up on controversial topics, or share all the God awful things I never got caught doing in college. Yet here is the thing…this is where the good stuff happens. In our mess, in our brokenness, that is where a big God does his magic. He takes a former oh so typical sorority girl and turns her into someone who can write a book… what the actual heck is that about?!

I have never been more sure that I am right where God wants me to be. Speaking, blogging, and writing to the most amazing women on the planet, telling them they’re the change the world needs to see. This is why I say, it’s all Jesus’s fault really.

So here I am guys, terrified, yet absolutely ecstatic to be a part of this amazing ride. Here is what’s going on with my new book,”Sorority Girls Can Change the World”

sorority girls can change the world

Photo credit, Ashlyn Cathy

On January 27 th , I was able to interview with the amazing Athena Dean Holtz from Always Faithful radio out of Seattle, Washington. It aired live in the Seattle area and is available for download on iTunes.

I was able to share “Sorority Girls Can Change the World” with executive officers of Alpha Delta Pi in Atlanta Ga.

I met the Comfort Colors’ corporate team at a trade show in Orlando Florida, where I got to hear first hand that sorority girls are indeed what took them to a $100-million- dollar company almost overnight (sneak peek of chapter 2)

I was able to do an interview on the Life is a Marathon podcast.

And the most exciting news yet….

Because of your incredible support by sharing and liking the book, it is officially available in print on Amazon!

sorority girls can change the world on amazon

You amazing ladies, who share it with your sorority, are making this possible. Thank you for all you do!!

Stay in touch to see where God leads next! Instagram: @sororitygirlscanchangetheworld

 

 

 

To my single sisters on valentines day

I know it’s cute for Christian girls to pretend like Jesus is your Valentine.  That’s precious and everything but I know deep down a dozen roses and Ryan Gosling telling you you’re beautiful wouldn’t be bad either.

Your heart is made to be romanced. You crave for the hero rush in and tell you you’re worth fighting for.  This is a beautiful thing and part of the way you are created.  Don’t be ashamed of it.  Be proud of your feminity. Woman was literally formed from man.  We were made to compliment each other.  It’s ok to want this in life….but don’t rush it.

Remember being single is just a season of life.  Right now most of the country is covered in snow.  Your toes are frozen and you have forgotten what it’s like to lay by the pool.  But before you know it you will be cranking up the A/C longing for a cold day in the snow.

This is the same with singleness.  It is a season of life.  You can wish it away or you can make the most of it.
According to my calculations on an earlier post, there is a   .0016 chance that you won’t get married.  Chances are in your favor you WILL find your prince charming.  But until then why not enjoy the season of being responsible for you and you only?

When you meet the man of your dreams there are some areas you hope he has figured out that you won’t have to work through together.  And your dream man is hoping the same about you.  Why not take this season of singleness to take the following 3 areas of life and sharpen yourself.  Here are the areas you will look back and appreciate most:

Get out of debt

No one wants to say, “hey babe, guess what, I have thousands of dollars in bills that come with me!” When you get married that becomes BOTH of your debt.  Do both of yourselves a favor and work on that now.  Rachel Cruz has some excellent resources for college students to get out of debt.

Protect your body and your heart

If you have read any of my other blogs you know I am most passionate about this subject.  I have never met someone my age who wishes they would have dated more guys or slept around more.  Nothing good comes from sharing your body with multiple people. You were made to become ONE with ONE.  When you step outside of those bounds, the scars follow you into marriage.  There is no erase button to the decisions you make today.  Sex is the concrete to a relationship.  Concrete is not made to be moved, ever.  Save your heart and body for your husband, you will both thank me later.

Pray for your future husband

You may not know anything about him right now but if he is breathing, he needs prayer.  Wouldn’t you hope he is doing the same for you?
I hear the pusback, “but this is too hard, I can’t, I won’t, I’m scared.”
Yet don’t you hope your future man is debt free, not sleeping around, and praying for you as well?
Enjoy this season of singleness.  Don’t rush the seasons, bask in it, enjoy it and give thanks for this time to become the future wife God made you to be.

Losing my jewels

When I turned 7  years old my grandmother decided to give me a sapphire (my birthstone) ring.  I am not sure how or why but somehow this was decided upon as a good idea.

I currently have an 7-year old who, until recently wanted to be a mermaid when she grows up.  I can’t imagine trusting her with such an expensive piece of jewelry.  But never-the-less, when I was 7 my grandmother thought I could handle the responsibility of taking care of this expensive gift.

You can imagine my 7-year-old-self receiving a piece of jewelry that sparkled and glittered and made me look like a princess.  I CHERISHED IT!

My mother who was certainly grateful but I’m sure slightly terrified that her 7 year old has been trusted with this the ring sat me down to make sure I understood this responsibility and to also give me a rule in how to care for it.  

I was given only one rule.  The rule was to make SURE the ring was kept in the safe place.  My ring had two safe spots, it stayed on my finger most the time but when I went swimming or took a shower, it stayed in my jewelry box, on the second shelf, where it was safe.   Those places were determined my “ring’s safe place.” And didn’t need to be anywhere else, EVER.

A few years went by and the magnitude of what I have been trusted with faded and I became careless with my gift. 

One day we went to the beach. Right before I ran to the ocean I looked down at my hand and realized my ring was still on my finger.  I had this inner turmoil in my mind, my mom said the safe places were my finger and my jewelry box.  My jewelry box is back home in Atlanta and I’m afraid if I leave it on I will loose it in the ocean…also I heard somewhere sparkly things attract sharks?  Either way I’m not going in the ocean with my ring. 

I didn’t tell my mom but I told myself JUST THIS ONCE, I’ll take it out of the safe place.  I put my ring in the pocket of my mother’s cover up hanging on the back of the beach chair.

You know where this is going….

Later that day I was searching everywhere.  Tears falling on the sand as I searched every inch surrounding the beach chair desperate to find what I lost.

 I was careless ONE time.  I thought I knew better, I thought I could do as I wanted and have no consequences. My gift was lost.

praying-2

Photo credit Ashly Cathy 

God has given us each a gift,  A RARE, precious, expensive I would even say sacred jewel, and that is our body.

 Our body, made to be shared with a life partner is given to us as a gift.  We don’t realize how rare, expensive and precious our gift is.  And sometimes we think we can take our bodies “just this once” out of the safe place it will be fine and there will be no consequences.

God gave us ONE rule regarding our sexuality.  Keep it in its safe place. Just like a fire, in a fire place it is beautiful and helpful.  In the middle of my living room, a fire is destructive and leaves scars. 

‘Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.’ 1 Corinthians 6:18

Do we think God gave us this command because He is mean and doesn’t want us to have any fun?  Or maybe it’s because He genuinely knows what a precious jewel you have been trusted with and he knows the consequences when it is taken out of the safe place.

 You were designed to become one with one.  Your body is treasured, cherished and unique.  Sex is a gift to be shared in the safe, trusting and mutual respect of the covenant bond of marriage.

You are worth immensely more than what our culture has taught you.  You are a jewel my friend.

What if Mary had said no?

Thank you  Foreverymom.com for re-posting this on your site!

Nativity_tree2011

What if Mary had said no?

Have you ever considered this?

Mary who is engaged to be married is being told by an angel that she is to carry the Lord’s son.  There are about a million things she can be worried about.

Not only is she facing possible execution, her fiancé leaving her, and ridicule…  In the unlikely event that everyone believes her, I think it would be totally valid for her to think: What about me and my plans?  I am about to get married!!  I don’t want to have to alter the wedding dress!  I like being a regular girl, everyone is going to ask me tons of questions!   I really am too busy for all this right now!  God can you find someone else?

Can you imagine this in today culture?  What with all our “plans and schedules”  I’m afraid we would just be too busy for such a task!

bows

But instead of any of these excuses she says:

 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be with me just as you say.”

I think Mary “got” something that we often just don’t comprehend.

It wasn’t about her.

She had the amazing privilege to be the mother of Jesus because she was willing to be “the Lord’s servant.”

This is HUGE

And her self-sacrificing doesn’t end there.  Imagine you have agreed to carry God’s baby and it comes time for you to deliver.  I don’t know but I’m thinking maybe an angel comes and offers a big palace for me to deliver and it is a totally

Imagine you have agreed to carry God’s baby and it comes time for you to deliver.  I don’t know but I’m thinking maybe an angel comes and offers a big palace for me to deliver.   Totally pain-free child birth complete with people fanning me and feeding me grapes would also be nice.

But as we know, she has to make a long journey on a donkey only to find there is NO ROOM for them at the inn and she has no choice but to deliver Jesus in a manger.

You would think Mary would be shouting,
“UMM HELLO HAVING GOD’S SON HERE??? Can someone ELSE sleep in the manger for crying out loud?!!”

Yet Mary knew this wasn’t about her…it was ALL about Jesus. 

Every piece of her story, her pain, and even her frustration was all part of the beautiful story that we still remember today and will remember for generations to come, not because of her, but because of Jesus.

While I certainly believe Mary was the one God choose but what if she had said no.  She would have been free to do live her own little “important” life not to be “inconvenienced with the fear of being stoned and shaming her fiancé and family.   Yet her own little plans and agenda would have died with her generations ago and we would never even know her name.  

Making His name famous, furthering His kingdom, and doing HIS work.  His name is the only one that will last through the generations.  Why is it so hard for us to realize this?

Father my own little Kingdom is just laughable really.  Take my oh so important “plans” and use them for YOUR glory.  My plans and kingdoms will fall, but your Lord never will.

Mary was truly the Lord’s servant.  She put her own plans, fears, and excuses to the side.  None of that matters when the God of the universe has other plans.

Sorority Girls Can Change the World book release

Guys, it’s official.  “Sorority girls can change the world” is ready to read!

This is a book to all the girls looking for their happily ever after realizing dang Cinderella’s castle was so much farther away than they thought it would be.   To the girl that is longing for significance but keep coming up empty.  I hear you, and I wrote this for you.

If you are reading this book,  I have prayed for you before you read this.  My prayer is something in these pages will help you to realize your incredible power of influence and the world changing potential within you! If you know a sorority girl that could benefit from these words I hope you share it with her too.

Here is what the readers are saying

“This book is full of so many truthful stories that all college girls need to be reminded of.”   Caitlyn Fears Phi Mu

“Love!! Can’t wait for this book to be in the hands of every college girl.  So much truth in these pages” -Jenny Way Alpha Delta Pi

Sorority Girls Can Change The World, is a book of hope, encouragement, and love. May it stir your heart as it has mine.  -Kiley B. Ward Kappa Kappa Gamma

Sign up for my newsletter and I’ll send you a free copy of my book

 

sorority-girls-can-change-the-world-final

 

I’d love to send you a free copy of my book!




Heart language

My senior year of college, I met Jesus and I learned a new language.  It was totally foreign at first- nothing made sense. However, slowly but surely I began to learn foreign concepts like, “guarding my heart” and “avoiding temptation,”  But for the love of being popular what did all of this even mean?

I did not get it.  This was not at all my first language. 

I didn’t realize it at the time since I have always spoken English, but I have a “heart language”

I have a friend serving as a missionary in South East Asia.  When sharing the gospel, one of the first questions they ask is,

“What is your heart language?”

This is the language you grow up hearing, the language that you can most easily relate to, and the language in which you first learned the ways of the world.  This is often referred to by missionaries as your “heart language.”  While many people (outside of the U.S.) speak more than one language, they typically have only one language they know best.  Speaking truth to someone in their native tongue knocks down all sorts of walls and is so much easier to receive.

Heart Language

Ashly Cathy photo 

A typical sorority girl is my heart language.  This is the language I learned first.

Be beautiful

Sleep with your boyfriend if you really like him, or just because he wants you to.

Be beautiful

Wear designer fashion.

Oh, and did I mention to be beautiful?

Popularity, boys, and vodka was the language I learned in high school and it was tattooed to my heart when I joined a sorority in college.

I am fluent in this language. It is the language I learned first. I get them and they get me.  These people are my people. 

My passion is to communicate, in my heart language, to my people. That true love and happiness is not found in the arms of a guy or vodka (ew).  I looked very hard in both areas and found myself empty, EVERYTIME.

Learning a new language was tricky and it did not happen overnight.   I had to surround myself with friends who spoke this new tongue.  I had to read books on it and I had to listen to the people who spoke it best.  

We all have a “native tongue” or a group of people we identify with best.  You do not have to explain the back story or the “why” behind it because they get it.  We can relate to each other.  We have walked in the same (totally adorable) shoes.

Mother Teresa says “Calcuttas are everywhere, you just have to find yours”

Jesus is in the business of transforming us; it is what He does best.  He uses people like you and me to share with “our people” who speak the same language. He wants us to connect with others, telling them about the TRUE abundant life and the happiness that lasts so much longer than just a little temporary fun.

Identify your native tongue. Who speaks your language? 

Find your Alex

Disney is a lot like being a 20 something.

The landscape in front of us is filled with lights, glitter, promises of tons of fun and magic.  We stand in lines 2 hours long having no idea what we are even signing up for but the crowd is doing it so it must be a good idea.  Cinderella’s castle glows from the light of fireworks with promise of happily ever after in the backdrop.  We set out with gusto and excitement ready to have more fun than the history of fun.

But at the end of the day we are tired.  The directions were off, that two hour long wait left more pain from standing than magical memories.  Dang Cinderella’s happily ever after was so much harder to find than we thought it would be and the bottled water cost FIVE EVER LOVING DOLLARS.  It all looked so glamorous from the outside but inside it’s mostly just hot, expensive and exhaustive.

Until we met Alex.

As I write this it is early morning on our kids 3rd trip to Disney world.  This time we know what we are doing.  We checked out all the websites, we got the guide to Disney book.  We asked people smarter than us, we brought our own water, and we met Alex.  

Alex was the nice young guy that greeted us at Hollywood studios, a park we were least familiar with.  Alex took the time to walk us all the way to the far side of the park for our first attraction.  He explained the fast passes, the stops that would be great for our kids and the ones that would make us barf.  

Alex had been here before, he knew the ropes.  He helped us save time, money, made our day the best yet at Disney.  

Why do we ask for directions at Disney but forget to ask in life?

No matter where we are in life we need someone who has traveled this road before us to help us out.   A mentor, a guide, an Alex.

The mentors in my life are often older but not always.  Sometimes it’s just someone who has simply walked in my shoes, got lost a few times, wasted time, and now has advice that I truly treasure.

I seek out people living a life I aspire to attain.  No one has it all figured out but no amount of books are as helpful as someone who has simply been there.  At Disney you may waste a few hours getting lost but in life you could waste years if you don’t know which way to go.

While I write this I’m 37.
I’ve been to Disney.  I’ve also been to fraternity parties, hugging the toilet after too much tequila.  I’ve had (lots) of heart break and I’ve also found my happily ever after.  I’ve lived in New York City, Atlanta and small towns of Georgia.  I’ve worked in print, radio, and TV advertising firms and I’ve been a stay at home mom.

 I’ve met Jesus through the eyes of the homeless and at the mansions of greek row.  I have served every roll you can imagine at church but my heart is what I do now. Speaking, writing and having coffee with young women.  Your heart is so eager and hungry to figure life out. And I love that about you.  But as eager as you are, you are only 20.  You are not supposed to have it all figured out yet.  You are supposed to just enjoy being 20.

Just like a first time visit to Disney you are not supposed to have it all figured out yet but my prayer is you will listen to those that have been there before you, gone the long way, found ourselves exhausted and heartbroken and wrote it all down so you wouldn’t have to do the same.  I found the ways that avoid the long sweaty lines. The exhaustive long and winding routes and I brought us both a bottle of water….and it’s free.

 

 

 

Don’t miss a post.  If you like what you see don’t forget to subscribe.