Making a Dating Plan
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
You are now smarter than the rest of the world, YOU are making a plan!
Your quiz results are traveling across the stars on their way to your inbox!
But before you go, I have a hard question to ask…
Do these characteristics describe YOU?
In other words, “Are you who you are looking for, is looking for?”
When I was in college I would have told you I wanted a Christian guy who was driven and good with money. Problem is, I was “looking for him” while dancing on the bar, wasting money and not being responsible.
You must become WHO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR….IS LOOKING FOR.
The best gift you can give your future spouse is work on becoming the top notch version of yourself NOW, before you even meet him. Don’t you hope he is doing the same?
Makes you think huh??
My top post on HOW to make a dating plan below. I’m making it easy for you, you’re welcome 🙂
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Priority #1 Faith
You may have heard it said not to be “unequally yoked.” Honestly, I used to think this had something to do with eggs (as in yolk) But the yoke (with an e) used in scripture refers to the bar between two oxen. If one is moving forward, and the other one standing still, the one walking forward can only go so far.
Katie translation, dating someone who doesn’t share your faith is like running a 3 legged race while your partner is laying on the ground. You can’t move forward in your faith if your partner isn’t moving with you.
This is especially important if you are hoping to not tempt yourself sexually. A lot of boys tell their girlfriend, “I respect your decision to wait.” (eye roll) This statement makes the girl feel like she is dangling a steak dinner in front of a starving child saying, “eh eh eh…not yet.” And don’t even get me started on the guilt she will have to wrestle with in deciding to “make him happy.”
However, a man growing in his faith would never want to put his girlfriend in a tempting situation. He wants to honor her body, honor her heart, and respect BOTH of their future marriage beds. He doesn’t want to open that gift of sex too early. He loves her too much to take something from her that is not yet lawfully his. #BOOM
So much to unpack there but more on sex in dating here.
Priority #2 Hobbies
“It’s not enough to “love” your boyfriend. Do you also like him? Are they the kind of person you enjoy being around? If it wasn’t for the chemistry, and if you didn’t feel romantically inclined toward them, would you still enjoy their company? Because that’s sort of how it’s going to be, in one sense or another, for the rest of your life. It’s the friendship that keeps the romance alive, not vice versa.”Gary Thomas author of the Sacred Search
What you enjoy doing together can play a big part
Priority #3 Family
None of this is right or wrong but all of these factors affect how we see life and will affect how we raise our own family. If perhaps his family was less than ideal what is he doing to not repeat the same steps? Counseling? Seeking out a mentor? Reading self-help books?
There are ways to combat our past, but no one “drifts” toward better, it takes work.
What about your future family? Do you want 7 kids? Does he want any? Do you want to live by your mama? Does he want to live on a remote island? Some or none of these may be deal breakers, but they are good to think about.
Priority #4 Everything else
I know that is a lot but quite honestly in my own 14 years of marriage experience I have learned as long as you have the top 3 in line, everything else will work out (although make sure he also has good taste in music, I mean let’s be real).
Are you who you are looking for…is looking for
None of this matters unless you are working on making sure the above priorities line up in your own life. If you want a Christan leader as a husband one day, when is the last time you cracked open a devotion?
If you want a guy who has a healthy relationship with his family, how is that long overdue conversation with your dad? (ouch)
If you want a guy who prortizes fitness, when is the last time you went to the gym?
The point is, a boyfriend is not your savior, and you are not his. We can not expect prince charming to save us from our lifestyle and ride off into the sunset on a unicorn. The guy/girl relationship is designed to COMPLIMENT each other, never COMPLETE each other. Only Jesus can do that.
“But what if I never get married?”
I did a whole blog post on that here. But this is the gist: Guarding your heart, protecting your body and seeking your heavenly father FIRST will prepare you for the marriage you want. Not jumping from relationship to relationship. I think the real question is not “Will I get married?” but “Is my God big enough to take care of this?”
He doesn’t want you to settle for less, He wants you to be fully cherished and for you to have a life partner to give you a tiny glimpse of how much your heavenly father loves you.
Imagine me looking at you across our lattes and leaning in with as much passion as I know how and saying:
“If you, one of the most beautiful women on the planet, doesn’t raise the dating bar, who will? You simply can’t settle, you simply can’t compromise when it comes to your heart. Please, my friend, I’m asking for my daughters and all future generations of women, we need you to change the dating world. Make a plan, don’t settle.”Katie Bulmer
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