$100 million dollar power of influence

“What the heck is comfort colors brand and why does everyone want them all of a sudden?” This was my honest question to my boss in the T-shirt industry just a few years ago. I was a marketing major and worked in advertising my whole grown-up life. When something almost unheard of is all of a sudden flying off the shelves, especially when it’s not even new…I take notice.
At the time Comfort Colors was a 30-year-old company, popular in beach shops along the coast with a net worth in the neighborhood of 10 million dollars. They were doing well for themselves but no could have predicted sales explosion that happened next.

No one knows where or why, but somewhere in the US, sorority girls decided they liked comfort colors brand T-shirts. It started organically with a few Instagram pictures, word of mouth, and even a few blog posts about the new found favorite tee. The chapters caught on as a whole and started ordering in bulk for all their events (and you know sorority girls love their T-shirts) chapter after chapter the word spread about the obsession with these tees.

Meanwhile, Comfort Colors didn’t know what the heck had happened. All they knew is they had to start hustling to keep up with demand. Working in this industry I started getting emails every week notifying us of stock shortages as factories started working overtime to create more tees!

In 2015 the T shirty giant Gildan bought the comfort colors brand for (I hope your sitting down for this)

ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS

This is 10 times their previous net worth.  Not because they had a celebrity endorsement, not because of an ad campaign, but because of these beautiful world changing girls decided they liked them.

I watched the same thing happen with black-rimmed glasses, the messy bun, yoga pants and whatever the fascination is with the pineapple. What was once considered nerdy, sloppy, or irrelevant turns into a multi-million-dollar business when sorority girls decide it’s cool.

This 100 million dollar power of influence led me to think, “What if sorority girls decided a purse made by an artisan in a third world village was the next big thing?” It could totally flip the entire economic model of the village and end poverty for thousands.

What if these girls realize how influential they are in the dating world and stop making excuses for a guy who doesn’t know how to hold her heart?   Most importantly what if these women realized their incredible power and worth as daughters of the King.  All I’m saying is it could change the world.

This picture is when I had the pleasure in early to meet some folks from comfort colors corporate earlier this year. They all agree…Sorority Girls Can Change the world.

Define your everyone

As I write this it is in the middle of hurricane Irma. Rain drops are thrusting against the windows, leaves are tumbling through the air and limbs have littered the yard all around. We have a pantry stocked with food and cell phones fully charged in the event of power outages or road blocks in the morning. The mayor has declared a state of emergency and all the kids in the county have the day off school tomorrow. The news has covered Irma non-stop for weeks. The hurricane chatter is all over my social media and it’s what every phone call, text and conversation is about. Right now, in my eyes, EVERYONE is in this hurricane.

But it turns out the majority of the US is enjoying a gloriously sunny day! Less than .012 of one percent of the world is even affected by this storm. Not to diminish the magnitude of IRMAGEDEON (as we are calling it in the southeast) because it is no doubt a big deal, but I have to take a step back and remember, it’s not affecting EVERYONE.

Do you ever get caught up in “EVERYONE is doing it?” EVERYONE feels, believes, or acts a certain way.

Perhaps our view of everyone is a little limited.

EVERYONE is simply the people around us. I used to think EVERYONE partied, drank too much, and slept with their boyfriend. But my view of everyone was just who was around me.

When God turned my life upside down I started meeting friends who were totally weird (in a good way) the couples didn’t sleep together, the girls didn’t dress suggestively and the guys held each other accountable to be men who honored women and disciples of Christ. The crazy part is they also had FUN. Like real stay up late, laugh till you hurt, play pranks, love big, and give-even-bigger-type of REAL FUN.

I had no idea this type of human even existed. But I also feel right now the entire world is experiencing a hurricane, so ya know, my perspective can be a little off.

My point is this, carefully ask yourself who you allow to influence you. Who is your everyone? That includes what you watch, who you follow on social media and your actual friends. Do all of these voices tell you your true worth as a child of God or do they make you feel less than? Do these voices cause you to make questionable decisions or do they challenge you to live out your faith?

“Want to know what you will be like in 5 years? Take the average of the 3 people you hang out with the most”

Everyone is not really EVERYONE.  It’s simply those around you.

But the good news is, unlike this hurricane, we have complete control over those we allow to speak into our lives, those we hang out with and those we scroll through on our little computers in our pockets.

The picture in this post is of a friend group I truly admire. I have watched as they have chased Jesus together and sharpen each other.  They tell each other “I love you too much to let you make this mistake” and they celebrate each other’s victories instead of harboring jealously. This is iron sharpening iron, this is a friendship that calls each other to a higher standard, and this is a really good definition of EVERYONE.

BOGO sale for the month of August

Hey, friends!
I don’t want you to miss this chance to buy Last week to buy one book, and get one free!!

USE COUPON CODE BOGO FOR THE MONTH OF AUGUST TO BUY ONE GET ONE
There is no limit to the sale.  So you can buy 20, and get (you guessed it) 20 for free! 

Here is the shopping link for your convenience (you’re welcome)

Why do I think Sorority Girls can Change the World?  Watch book trailer below.

“Made brand new” Testimony of Colin Chance

One of the best advice I love to give singles is, “Seek the Lord then look to your left and your right to see who is doing the same.”  

Today I have the pleasure of introducing to you Colin Chance.  You will love his honest and relatable journey toward the cross and his world-changing heart. Colin was also one of the first to stop me and say, “Hey you’re that lady that tells sorority girls they can change the world”….So, in other words, I want to adopt him.
Take it away Colin!

Have you ever attempted a diet and in just a few short days, you’ve found yourself breaking it? Maybe
you’ve made a New Year’s resolution to start exercising. But after about the third week into the year,
you skip a day. And by the second week of February, you’ve given up on the idea altogether.

Well, for me, being a Christian was a lot like this! I grew up in a home where I learned stories of Adam and Eve,
Abraham, King David, and of course, Jesus! I knew the story of Jesus; the story of how he came to die on
a cross for our sins. After all, it’s hard to grow up in the South and not know that story. With all of this
information, I spent the first 19 years of my life trying to be a Christian. To tell you the truth, I was really
bad at it! I seemed to be living my life in some sort of cycle of recommitting my life to Christ over and
over. I would find myself at a church camp or church service filled with emotions of how much I love
Jesus. I would commit to reading my bible a certain amount each day, reminding myself to pray before
bed, and seeking to treat people much better. Often this would go on for a week or so. But it would
slowly fade into me no longer striving to accomplish these goals at all. Sure, there were times when I
would manage to “live like a Christian” for a month or two, but it never lasted.

It’s kind of silly to look back on it now. I was attempting to do something that I could never do. You see,
Colin will never be able to live a Christian life. Yes, I can go to church, lead a bible study, or even be a
preacher. These things may qualify me as being a Christian according to the world’s standards. However,
regardless of what this world has told us, none of these things can make me a Christian.

Jesus once had a conversation with a man named Nicodemus (John ch. 3). In this conversation, Jesus told Nicodemus
that you have to be born again to see God’s kingdom. You see, Jesus never asks us to be someone we

be born again to see God’s kingdom.

Jesus never asks us to be someone we cannot be. He doesn’t tell us to change and then come to Him.


Literally, a new being who is truly born again.
This does not mean that we enter back into our mother’s womb to be born again. No, that would still create the same old sinful
Colin. Jesus is speaking of a spiritual birth! The love of Jesus is so great and so vast that He desires for us
to begin doing life with Him instead of trying to do it on our own. When we choose to do life with Jesus,
He does these “Christian” things through us! There is no more recommitting my life because it is no
longer about Colin committing to doing things. It is now simply about allowing Jesus to do things
through me!
To be completely honest with you, I am a selfish and prideful person. I am incapable of loving people
without having selfish motives. I am incapable of serving someone without seeking something in return.
I am incapable of having joy in the worst of circumstances. But the good news is that Colin has been
crucified with Christ! It is no longer Colin who lives, but Christ who lives within in me! (Galatians 2:20)
It’s so beautiful because all of those selfish desires of mine have been put to death when Jesus paid for
my sins on the cross. And on the third day, when He rose from the dead, so did I. I was given new life!
Just as he described to Nicodemus, I was born again. And with this new life, He has given me new
desires. They are to simply love Him and to love all the people He has created (YOU)! And it is the
greatest joy to get to do these two things!

Colin Chance

Sororities: Where it all began

The year was 1851, and her name was Eugenia.  A simple pastors daughter with a dream for friendships that held each other to a higher standard , fought for each other, and never let each other settle for status quo.  She wanted to form more than just friendships in college, but a sisterhood.

The very first secret society for women was founded by a hopeful and ambitious freshman with a dream.

She was away from home for the first time in her life.  Her parents did their best to give her morals but when she left home, her choices became her own.  The class load left her with little free time, she felt isolated yet overwhelmed with responsibility.  What career should she choose? What classes should she take? Will she get married when she graduates?

Do these questions sound a lot like the questions faced by every college girl still today?

Eugenia realized she can’t do this college life alone.  She needed community.  She needed sisters.  On a quiet night in May, after much prayer and deep thought, she began something extraordinary.  Eugenia Tucker Fitzgerald and 5 of her dearest friends formed the first secret society and called it the Adelphean (later changed to Alpha Delta Pi)

When Eugenia decided to form a society, her dearest and most admired friends were asked to join her. She listed them in her journal as: Ella Pierce, daughter of a bishop; Octavia Andrew, daughter of a bishop; Bettie Williams of South Carolina; Sophronia Woodruff; and Mary A. Evans, daughter of a useful and beloved pastor of Macon Mulberry Street Methodist Church for several years. (official website of Alpha Delta Pi)

 

This was something brand new.  There was no where else to look to for “how do we do this?” But I have a good feeling Eugenia wouldn’t have looked to others even if she was not the first.  To determine how her society should run, she only had to look to one place for a reason why.

In the Bible beside her bed, with its worn leather and tattered pages, she found the blue print for her secret society:

Psalm 15 (CEB):
Who can live in your tent, Lord

    Who can dwell on your holy mountain?
[Katie paraphrase: Lord, what is the character of our members?]
 The person who
   lives free of blame,
   does what is right,
   speaks the truth sincerely;
   who does no damage with their talk,
   does no harm to a friend,
   doesn’t insult a neighbor;
   someone who despises
   those who act wickedly,
   but who honors those
   who honor the Lord;
   someone who keeps their promise even when it hurts;
   someone who doesn’t lend money with interest,
   who won’t accept a bribe against any innocent person.
Whoever does these things will never stumble.

Noble character, true friends, and women who honor and seek the Lord with their everything; this was the makeup of our founding members and the criteria for future generations to come.

Permission to speak freely here?  Eugenia had dreams that were much bigger than theme parties and cute T shirts.

No matter how you’re wired, social butterfly or socially awkward, something in your soul longs for meaningful relationships with others. We treasure friendships that allow us to truly “be ourselves.” All of us long for a deep, authentic, and genuine community. Eugenia knew this well.  While I cannot travel back in time I would love to link arms with her (maybe throw some diamonds) and tell those behind us these words:

Imagine a friendship that fights for each other, protects each other, picks each other up when we fall, and never let us settle for less. Imagine friends that see better in us than we see in ourselves, and never let a friend go home with some stupid boy (but seriously). Imagine friendships where you are loved not in spite of your flaws, but loved even more because of them. Imagine friendship where you are inspired to be the best you, your friends already believe you are.

I wish for you friends that don’t simply agree if you’re making poor choices, but lovingly tell you the truth you need to hear. I wish for you friends that see the potential in you and never let you settle for less. Just as iron sharpens iron, I pray your friends love you so much you can’t help but grow into the world changers they see in you.I pray for a friend that lovingly hugs you when you realize that guy is not best for you. May your dear friends challenge you to become whole and complete, learning about the love from Christ before you try to give or receive love from another. I pray for friends that tell you when you have stuff in your teeth, laugh at your jokes, and encourage you to be brave. May your best friend light the way on this road less traveled becoming a young woman after God’s own heart. 

More than I wish you have this type of friend, I pray you BECOME THIS FRIEND.

-Exerpt from Sorority girls can Change the world 

Dear sorority friends, this is true sisterhood and the dream of all your founding members. Friendships like this are rare, beautiful, and the kind that spur each other onto world changing potential. Friendships like these are worth fighting for.  In fact they are more than friendships, they are more like sisters.

Today, over 150 years after Euginia’s death, sororities are 9 million women strong with 26 different panhellenic represented organizations. It all started because a simple girl wanted to walk in community with girlfirends who would hold each other to a higher standard.

The outfits are now cuter and the hairstyles require fewer bobby pins, but at the root of each sorority, you still find the same desire for community and sisterhood.

 

 

Don’t complain about the darkness, start lighting candles

In 1774 a small group of extraordinary devout Christian men got on their knees in prayer before they would sign our declaration of independence. It wasn’t just a political meeting. It was a prayer meeting. Witness said they spent hours in prayer before their heavenly Father in complete dependence on Him as ruler of this important document (full prayer here)

Men and women who wanted to worship freely birthed a brand new idea, a brand new country.  The brave fought for it, countless men and women gave their life for this cause.  This same freedom and fire for the cross has not been forgotten.  No, the world isn’t getting worse, I believe it’s on the cusp of revival! Here are just a few examples:

Serfei and Aleona Isakov Russian fashion designers highly respected in their field left their home country to bring their talent and their mission to America.  The stated “we believe that revival is coming to America and we want to be a part of it”

25 years ago Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York  could barely draw 26 people to a Sunday service. Today the congregation is 6,000 strong–filled with converted prostitutes, pimps, drug addicts, and homeless people, and more… All credit due to the prayer meetings they started on their knees, giving God total control of their church.

Just last school year I watched young teacher who invested in a 2nd grader who had no parental support.  In one academic school year he went from “trouble maker” to honor student….all because someone believed in him.


Sororities and Fraternities are rising up to make a difference in their communities.

At critical junctures in history God raises up a remnant to reestablish His reign and rule.  It’s rarely a majority.  In fact, it’s almost always a small minority.  But all it takes is a faithful few to begin a reformation.  –Mark Batterson Draw the Circle

When you pray you see God’s hand at work.  It’s like opening up your eyes to what He has been doing all along.

Businessmen praying for those they shake hands with
Athletes praying for their team mates
Janitors pray for those who will sit at the tables they wipe
Hair dressers pray over the chair where their next client will be
Teachers praying over the desks in their classroom
Doctors laying hands over their patients rooms
Waitress praying over the tables they serve

“If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and seek my face…I will forgive their sin and heal their land” 2 Chronicles 7:14

America, let’s not complain about the darkness. but start lighting candles!  Alone it is a small light, but together we can set the world ablaze with the light of the good news, the very reason our country began.

summary of Sorority Girls can Change the World

 I’m often asked, “Tell me about your book”
So here ya go:
When I was in college I was certain I found all life had to offer with the cutest boyfriend, the best friends, an adorable outfit, and a solo cup of hunch punch in hand. But when the makeup came off, the drunken buzz turned into a terrible headache, and the guy that promised forever never called again, I started to wonder if there was more to life than cute shoes and jello shots.
Jesus turned my life upside my senior year, introduced me to a husband who loves me unconditionally every day, but I was still completely clueless to any type “world changing potential.”
With a bachelor’s in marketing under my belt, I began working in advertising.  Over the past 15 years, I have worked in print, radio, television, and promotional marketing. Currently, in the T-shirt industry, I noticed a phenomenon that started with comfort color T-shirt brand which opened my eyes to the incredible power of influence born on Greek row.

No one knows where or why, but around 2013, sorority girls decided they liked Comfort Colors oversized tees. Almost overnight, sales of Comfort Colors exploded in popularity. I received updates on a weekly basis notifying us of stock shortages as Comfort Colors scrambled to keep up with demand.  Annual sales of Comfort Colors tees skyrocketed from $10 million to $100 million dollars!

The crazy thing is the sudden peak in demand was not due to any additional marketing or celebrity endorsement. Sorority girls simply decided they were cool..and there was no stopping the multi-million dollar train. The same thing happened with aviator sunglasses, yoga pants, and whatever the fascination is with pineapples. Seriously….what’s with the pineapples?

When sorority girls decide they like something marketers and advertisers can take the day off because these girls just made a million dollar phenomenon.

More than just T-shirts

Imagine this power of influence over the dating world. What if the most incredible women on the planet raised the bar, stopped making excuses for the guy who doesn’t know how to hold her heart.
What if sorority women drew a line in the sand with unshakable standards in the guys they date.
What if these influencers and trendsetters decided to create socials that served their community.  I argue every community with a Greek life system should have top notch children’s programs, cleaner streets and elderly homes with tons of visitors.  This 100 million dollar power of influence can do so much more than making pineapples cool.  It could change the culture of dating, the ideas of serving the city, and invite Jesus to back into each chapter as was the dream of all our founding sisters.

All I am saying is…IT COULD CHANGE THE WORLD.

 Here is what the girls are saying:

“I just finished reading this book and it was so great! Easy read because it keeps you wanting to read more. I would recommend for anyone who feels like they need to take a step back and look at life in a different way. The questions at the end of each chapter is such a great thing for you to keep you on track on how you should evaluate your life!! Love love love this book!!!” -Alpha Delta Pi
“I just wanted to thank you for inspiring me to go forward with a health campaign I’ve had in my head for a while. Your book changed my outlook and because of that I now have a charity in progress!”-DeltaPhiEpsilon
Personally, this has become one of my favorite books of all time. A lot of the issues that Bulmer addresses, I have faced in my life. I have faced the struggle of constantly chasing after boys but getting nowhere. I have struggled with toxic people and losing my identity ad who I truly was. But most of all, I struggled with my connection with God and I felt like God would always forgive me and I would put him in the corner and forget about him until I needed him. I believe that this book is just the pep-talk that every college girl needs to hear. -AlphaChiDelta
This book truly makes you realize the great impact that the Greek community can (and should) make. It inspires the reader to take a leap of faith and not to try to fit into any mold. Katie’s testimony is so relatable and opened my eyes to things I had been missing. College girls must read this book!! -KappaKappaGamma
I’d love to send an autographed copy to all you world changers out there.  Click here to take you to that link
Also, I am booking trips to come speak to chapters all over the US in the fall.  If your chapter needs to hear about their world-changing potential here is my speaker’s link

3 tips for overcoming constant marketing influence

Guys! You won’t believe this! According to the commercial I just saw, if I use L’Oreal cosmetics I will look just like Jennifer Lopez! Everywhere I go, the light will highlight all of my best features, and my friends will think I’m hilarious. The magical lip gloss makes guys turn their heads in astonishment at my beauty as the wind blows my hair back at just the right angle everywhere I go.

Isn’t this exciting! I mean, I’m sure Jennifer Lopez buys her cosmetics from Wal-Mart. That part makes perfect sense.  #Sarcasm
Her beauty probably has nothing to do with her personal trainer, aesthetician who likely lives with her, facial peels, Botox, facial massages, professional makeup artist and all the hired help who handle her real life. No, I’m sure none of that helped her look beautiful. Yep, it’s the $7 tube of lip gloss is the secret. For the love of lip gloss, thank you L’Oreal for this commercial so I know how to be beautiful just like J-Lo.

Dear commercial makers, we were not born yesterday. We know better than to think lip gloss will make us look like J-Lo.

Or do we?

My major in college was marketing with an emphasis in sales. I have worked in print, radio, television, Internet and promotional marketing. These years of marketing research and ad development have given me a different set of eyes on the media.

There are a ton of obvious, and subtle messages we are digesting that we don’t even realize.
For example: Studies have found that when men view a car commercial with an attractive woman beside it, they will rate the car as faster, more appealing, and more expensive looking than men who viewed the same ad without the attractive woman. However, when asked later, men denied a woman had any effect on the way they viewed the car.

Companies hire actors to wear lab coats and a stethoscope, or better yet an actor who plays a doctor on TV to endorse health products. We all know good and well these people are not real doctors. Some of them cannot even spell the word doctor! Yet, we trust their opinion as if their role as Dr. McDreamy is the equivalent of 8 years of medical school.

We are smarter than this.

L’Oreal lip gloss will not make you look like Jennifer Lopez just as a car beside a blond bombshell doesn’t make it drive any faster.

“The media has an agenda to make you feel less than, so you will spend your money to buy whatever it is they are promising to make you feel worthy”-Merchants of cool 

Even with my years of marketing experience I still found myself browsing the store shelves for the perfect pair of chinos that convinced me, by wearing them, I too would look like that adorable 20-something with the perfect butt on the Old Navy commercial.

But there is good news. There are tools we can use to overcome the images we constantly see splashed in front of us.

Dr. Robert Cialdini, the seminal expert in the rapidly expanding field of influence and persuasion wrote in his best seller, “Influence” to ask ourselves the following questions before we allow anything in the media to influence us:

1)Is what I see even real?

2)Does what I see reflect the life I truly desire? Or is it turning what I value into a commodity?

3) Who is benefiting from me seeing these images and me feeling bad about myself (hint this is always about money or control)

From the time we wake up, we are bombarded with how we should look.

I encourage you to seek out the way your heavenly father sees you more, or at least, just as much as you absorb what the media says about you. My new blogging friend Sarah has some great resources on that.
There is a war out there over your mind, your dollars, and your heart. You must put on the armor of God’s word to fight the lies coming at us on a daily basis and trust your Father in heaven knows what you need far better than Loreal and their stinkin lipgloss. 

An open letter to the girl who keeps settling for less

I get the most comments, and emails on one question:

How do I talk to a friend who is in a bad relationship?

OR

How do I talk to my boyfriend if I know whe are in an unhealthy relationsip?

Let me paint the picture of what 99% of these girls are asking:

Two people become attracted to each other, they have chemistry, sparks fly, clothes fly off, and they have sex….too soon.  As they grow to know each other better they realize they are not very compatible. But things are complicated. They don’t fully understand this because culture tells us sex is just fun and games but psychologists, scientist, and our creator all agree sex is the cement or bond that glues people together. In marriage this is beautiful, in casual relationships, this is destructive (more on this blog post).

The couple in our example has “cemented” themselves together. They start to ignore all the red flags that they are not right for each other. All their friends see it and sometimes they even see it in themselves but who wants to deal with cleaning up all the debris of the bound cement? They pretend they are happy and before they know it they are years into an unhealthy relationship that neither of them wants to be in. It happens ALL THE TIME.

The trick is, an unhealthy relationship is infinitely easier to see in others than it is to ourselves.

Confirmation bias

It’s human nature to look for what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We search out information to support and brush off information in opposition to our beliefs. Psychologist call this confirmation bias. We are constantly looking for information to support what we hope to be true. This is why it is so hard to win a political argument and also why it is so hard for you to tell a friend she is in a bad relationship. She is desperately grasping for any thread of evidence that her guy is a prince ESPECIALLY if cement is involved.

What’s a girl to do?

I see you there sweet friend.  You are not sure how you got here.

The guy that holds your heart is hurting you and he has no idea. You pretend it doesn’t bother you when he (always) chooses his friends over you.  You pretend it doesn’t hurt when he only wants to hang out past midnight.  You find yourself constantly making excuses for the way he treats you to your friends and your mama. You pretend everything is fine but deep down, you know better.

If you are traveling down the highway and the sign says “Danger road block” you don’t drive past the sign and keep going.  God gives us little warning signs in all areas of life, it is up to us to take warning or to keep going despite the warnings.

Suppose you decide you “know better” and decide to keep driving past that danger sign in the road. Everything is good for a few miles and you wonder what that big orange sign was all about in the first place, and then you see it, a bridge being repaired that offers no connection between your car, the road 1,000 feet ahead of you and the river underneath you.  A little embarrassed by the annoyed looks construction workers all around you do the only logical thing, turn your car around and listen to the warning!

Sensible people foresee trouble and hide. Simple people go ahead [and] suffer. Proverbs 27:12

If you have a good friend who you trust, and I hope you do.  Hear her out. If you trusted her with your life before the guy came into your life, your friend hinted that he was bad news, and now you are distant from your friend. THAT IS A HUGE RED FLAG!

If you find yourself with red flags you simply don’t want to see I encourage you to be brave and do something you don’t want to do. TURN THE CAR AROUND. Ending an unhealthy relationship now is better than waiting for more time, more cement, and more scars to take place.

It will require sacrifice, it may even involve embarrassment, but when it’s said and done I GUARANTEE you will have so much relief.

Maybe a guys perspective will say it better than me:

From the Good Man Project (a hugely popular online magazine for guys)  puts it like this:

Ladies, if you really want men to step up and become the real men you talk about, you must demand it. I’m not saying ask for it, I’m not saying hope for it, I’m saying demand it.  What does that mean? It means you don’t settle for anything less. It means if you aren’t satisfied, you walk away. Men will rise up and meet your challenge, I promise, it’s what we do best. We love challenges. We love it when women make us step up and work.
If you do this right, you will have men lining up at your door. It seems counter-intuitive, but you have to understand how much men enjoy challenge. There is nothing sexier than a woman who has the confidence to call us out and challenge us to rise up. The part that you don’t like is the hardest thing about all this. You must be willing you walk away if you aren’t getting what you want. I will say this five more times because it’s that important.
You must be willing to walk away
You must be willing to walk away
You must be willing to walk away.
You must be willing to walk away.
You must be willing to walk away.

Wisdom for next time:

The more physical intimacy you share with someone, the more cemented together you become. DO NOT RUSH THIS. Intimacy is reserved for marriage for a reason. Protect yourself and your heart, it will make decisions to stay or leave a future relationship infinitely less complicated. 

Father help us to see danger before it is too late, wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it.

Inspired by Andy Stanley’s sermon on Pack your bags.

 

What if Jesus meant all that stuff about sex?

Let’s imagine for a second there is a huge, new breakthrough discovery of an ancient artifact that reveals the secret to finding happiness, and a marriage that will last a lifetime.

It’s all over the news. Your friends are tweeting about it. Fox News, CNN and even Ellen is doing interviews with everyone involved.

The discovery is an ancient document with clear, uncomplicated instructions on how we should handle sex, written to a culture much like ours today, and spoken by the one who made our bodies and every other BODY around us.

Can you imagine the buzz created with this type of unveiling!?

Good news guys, This ancient document has already been discovered!  I have a copy!  So do you! In fact this information was so valued and sacred that thousands of people have been persecuted and died to protect these exceptionally necessary and vital words.

This is big stuff….

Are you ready?


What the Bible says about sex:

The Corinthian people were having sex with whoever, whenever, and pretending it was all fun and games (I think this was the ancient version of the bachelor). In their time and day, they even had “temple prostitutes.” I’m not even kidding. I can’t even imagine going to church back in this day and age.

So this guy named Paul, wrote a letter, inspired by God, to the Corinthian people that was so revolutionary, and so foreign to their culture, they knew it must be true.

I hope you’re sitting down for this, here are the words from this ancient document:

“I am allowed to do anything.” Yes; but not everything is good for you.

Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should you take your body, which is part of Christ, and join it [sexually to someone you hardly know?]

Don’t you know that sex joins two people together? The scripture says quite plainly, “The two will become one body.” Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (1 Corinthians 6: 12-18)

TIME OUT

Did this ancient letter actually say that no other sin affects us like sex does?  Is the letter telling us there is something more to this sex thing than just recreational play between two consenting adults?

NO WAY!  Surely 50 Shades of Grey can’t be wrong!

Ok let’s forget this Bible mumbo Jumbo and look to Science for a second.  Maybe they also have a break through discovery that will say something more current.  

What science says about sex:

According to  “Sex and the Brain” Psychologist Mark Turrell explains,

“There are three main neurohormones that are released during sex. Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.  These chemicals work together to give us pleasure and bond us together. Oxytocin in particular, tells the brain, “Once connected, stay connected. Sex bonds us at a relational, physical and chemical level. It is a powerful force”

Gosh, that’s weird, it’s almost as if God knew the science and emotional bond behind his very creation!

No, no, no, I’m quite sure the writers of Cosmopolitan magazine know more about sex than God. Maybe a PhD in the in area of relationships would know best.  Let’s see what they have to say. 

What Therapist say about sex:

“In the counseling office, individuals rarely if ever weep scalding tears about any other sense of loss like they do for a sexual relationship when it ends. There are soul ties that bind two partners together in unseen ways and there is a sense that part of you has been stolen. There is a hole in your soul where the connection was ripped from you.”  – Dr. Waylon Ward  Professional Couselor, author and speaker

“20 years as a counselor has told me nothing has the ability degrade, cheapen, wound. and rob a sense of who you are as does sex outside of its original design.” -anonymous therapist

Hmmmmmm

These scientist and counselors make an interesting point….what did that ancient document say again?

The two shall become one

In the very beginning, God said on Adam and Eve’s wedding day,

“The two are united into one (Genesis 2:24).”

God who made every cell in our body, God who created hormones, God who crafted the very idea of Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin.  He knew how deeply sex can bond, He also knew the depth to which it would scar if shared with just anyone. So God gave us sex in marriage. True intimacy, true vulnerability, naked, beautiful, cherishing and honoring love as Adam looked at Eve as the only woman in the world. Eve saw Adam as the only man in the world.

This was the original design.  

I believe this is still the design today.  After a couple is married, the two become one and see each other as the only man or the only woman in the whole world, because, in their eyes, they are.

Consider that your heavenly father knows how to care for you better than the movies and the magazines. Take a moment to fathom that God gave you the gift of your sexuality and wants you to enjoy it, but not with just anyone.

What decisions to you need to make today to guard your eyes and your heart for your future spouse?

-Katie Bulmer
@katiebulmer.life