FOURTEEN TRUTHS ABOUT DATING

When it comes to giving advice to my single friends about dating, I take it seriously. I read and learn from the best sources in this area. One of those experts I admire most is author, Gary Thomas. and one of his incredible books, “The sacred search”
The below truths are derived from his teaching and my own experience in mentoring 20 somethings.

Enjoy reading!

1. “Falling in love” with someone doesn’t mean you should marry them. Neurologically, infatuation has a lifespan of about 12 to 18 months. (I just did a tiktok on this subject actually)

2. Marry someone you want to be married to, not someone you hope to transform.

3. It’s not enough to “love” your boyfriend or girlfriend. Do you also like them? Are they the kind of person you enjoy being around? If it wasn’t for the sexual chemistry, and if you didn’t feel romantically inclined toward them, would you still enjoy their company? Because that’s sort of how it’s going to be, in one sense or another, for the rest of your life. It’s the friendship that keeps the romance alive, not vice versa.

4. Lying about what you want out of marriage going in because you’re afraid you’ll lose the relationship if you are honest is one of the worst kinds of fraud you could ever commit. Be honest–we all want to live in lifelong love, not a lifelong lie.

5. Here’s why you want to take it slow: Men WANT to chase your heart and romance you. Science shows us they actually feel more connected the more they pursue you. Our hook up culture is lying to you. Relational intimacy grows if physical intimacy slows.

6. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help someone out; there is something wrong with choosing an untrustworthy, crisis-prone person to become your spouse

7. Marriage is tough enough as it is without being with someone who actually enjoys conflict; think twice before marrying a contentious person

8. Marrying an unhealthy person won’t usually make them healthy; it’ll just concrete you into an unhealthy marriage

9. Single women, here’s the honest truth: however much your boyfriend talks to you while dating, cut that down by at least 25% after marriage. Will that be enough?

10. Singles: your best bet to make a good marriage is to find someone who already knows how to make and keep friends. The best marriage IS friendship

11. Marriage doesn’t solve emptiness, it exposes it, so marry someone who has a solid core.

12. Going through with an ill-advised wedding to avoid short term pain and embarrassment is like falsely pleading guilty to murder to avoid being prosecuted for jay-walking; you’ve lost all sense of proportion.

13. There are no marriage problems, there are single people problems in a marriage. Use your single time to become the best version of yourself. Go to the gym, go see a counselor, work on getting out of debt or discovering your passions.
We all bring baggage into a marriage but the best gift you can give your future spouse is a few less bags to carry.

14. If you want more, read The Sacred Search.