Science, Counselors, and the Bible…What they say about sex.
**If you are new here please know the passion behind everything I do is to be who I needed when I was younger. I looked very hard in the arms of boys and Bacardi for worth, It turns out I only found it in the arms of the one who made me.
Imagine with me there is this brand new scientific breakthrough about our sexuality. It’s all over the news. Top researchers are being interviewed on the Ellen DeGeneres show and it’s all the chatter on social media. The discovery will help prevent depression, build healthier relationships, and lead to overall longer life expectancy!
Well the good news is, this discovery was made in the year 40 A.D It’s not new at all we have just forgtten how valuable this information is.
Let me unpack….
Around 40 AD The Corinthian people were having sex with whoever, whenever, and pretending it was all fun and games (I think this was the ancient version of the bachelor).
So this guy named Paul wrote a letter, to the Corinthians (ancient version of a viral TikTok video). Their ears perked up when Paul said:
“I am allowed to do anything. Yes; but not everything is good for you.” 1 Corinthians 6:12
“Don’t you see? Sex joins two people together. The two will become one.
TIME OUT
Paul is telling us there is something more to this sex thing than just recreational play between two consenting adults?
NO WAY! Surely 50 Shades of Grey can’t be wrong!
Ok, let’s forget this Bible mumbo jumbo and look to science for a second. Maybe scientist has a more modern breakthrough discovery that will say something that allows me to do whatever I want.
What science says about sex:
“There are three main neurohormones that are released during sex. Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These chemicals work together to give us pleasure and bond us together. Oxytocin in particular, tells the brain, “Once connected, stay connected. Sex bonds us at a relational, physical and chemical level. It is a powerful force”
“The human brain appears to be specifically designed to encourage monogamous, trust, and commitment-based marriages—even to the point of possessing intricately coordinated brain chemical production.”
Science and the bible agree on sex
When a woman is touched in a loving way, her brain secretes oxytocin, which activates feelings of closeness and trust. When this is experienced outside the commitment of marriage, women can become deceived into thinking a bad relationship is good because of the effects of touch-dependent oxytocin. And when that relationship ends, the broken bond and feelings of betrayal of trust can lead to severe emotional trauma.
New science on how casual sex is affecting our children
For men, an effect of vasopressin—which floods a man’s brain during intercourse (and more receptors are built by dating)—is that it leads to a bonded feeling with his partner. Research shows that if he has intercourse with multiple partners, the bonded feeling is dissipated, eventually imperiling a man’s ability to form long-term attachments.
– McIlhaney and Bush M.D
Gosh, that’s weird, it’s almost as if God knew the science and emotional bond behind this sex thing.
No, no, no, I’m quite sure the writers of reality TV know more about sex than God. Maybe a Ph.D. in the in the area of relationships would know best. Let’s see what they have to say.
What Therapist say about sex:
“In the counseling office, individuals rarely if ever weep scalding tears about any other sense of loss like they do for a sexual relationship when it ends. There are soul ties that bind two partners together in unseen ways and there is a sense that part of you has been stolen. There is a hole in your soul where the connection was ripped from you.”
– Dr. Waylon Ward Professional Couselor, author and speaker
“20 years as a counselor has told me nothing has the ability degrade, cheapen, wound. and rob a sense of who you are as does sex outside of its original design.” -anonymous therapist
Hmmmmmm
God invented sex
In the very beginning, God said on Adam and Eve’s wedding day,
“The two are united into one (Genesis 2:24).”
This sentence was the very first reference to sex in our history. In the original Hebrew the word “echad” is used. Translating “bonding together at the deepest level”
Katie translation, Sex is like concrete.
THIS IS A GOOD THING. This says, No matter what comes at us from toddler tantrums to bills and sickness and health I will stand by you. I know you naked…on every level. The good and bad of you. Your flaws and your strengths and I choose YOU all the days of my life. THAT IS ECHAD.
We all want this but we settle for a hookup. It’s like we are starving for nourishment and someone gives you a marshmallow. It is good and satisfying for a short time but it’s just a matter of time before we are starving again.
Jesus came to give us more than we can ask or imagine.
God who created hormones, who crafted the very idea of Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin. Of course, He knew how deeply sex can bond, He also knew the depth to which it would scar if shared with just anyone. God made sex a sacred bond to share with a life partner. True intimacy, true vulnerability, naked, beautiful, cherishing and honoring love as Adam looked at Eve as the only woman in the world.
God does ‘t ask us to wait because He is holding out on us. on the contrary, He wants us to expereince this gift to it’s full potential!
The past will not define you. There are not even enough words to combat the struggles we face coming from a sexual past, but judgment is not one of those words. I don’t care what happened last year, last spring break or last night. Today is a new day. Where you have been doesn’t define where you are going. I also came from a sexual past, I looked very hard for worth and love in the arms of a guy and it only left me more broken. If you find yourself there just like I did…
Consider your heavenly father knows how to care for your one and sacred body better than the movies and the magazines. Take a moment to fathom that God gave you the gift of your sexuality and wants you to enjoy it, but it is too precious of a gift to be shared with just anyone.
Here is a podcast interview I did unpacking this further with the incredible hosts of the Relationship Real talk Podcast I am so thankful to share all the good stuff I’ve learned about dating over the years. Watch the video on youtube or listen through your earbuds here
Shout out to the book “Love Sex and Dating” as a huge inspiration for this topic
-Katie Bulmer
@katiebulmer.life
